The entire staff of The Radish, excluding one reporter, has gone missing, according to the one remaining staff member.

“What assholes,” the reporter said of his colleagues.

The targets of this verbal attack were unavailable for comment.

The lone remaining member of The Radish's staff was left with the task of writing at least one article for the Friday August 12th issue of The Radish.

“OOOH YEAHHH!” said the Kool-Aid Guy as he poured himself out.

“What? Anyway, if my stories are total crap, it won't be my fault, will it now?,” said the reporter, who calls himself The Anonymous One, or Tao. "And I wrote most of last issue's only article, too,” he added bitterly.

He repeated himself, shaking his head, “What assholes.”